in other news i am now the worlds foremost expert on Really Weird Ways To Type When Your Hands Hurt so i am here to share my strange suggestions gained through endless hours experimentation if you need them
"i can’t tell if my muscles are spasming or if my cell phone is vibrating: an autobiography"
I wish there was a speed dating to help patients find the right doctors and surgeons for them. Because setting up all these appointments and trying to figure out which is the better one for you is the pits.
Instead of the millionaire matchmaker I need the medical matchmaker.
Mr. Tick Tock
This moment in my life needs to pass. I would much rather forward five years into the future and see where I land. This static, this numbness, and this madness in my land I would no longer have need for it. Pass me the remote so I can forward the hand of time, I tire of tingle that dance up and down my spine. This crushing pressure to push on despite the lag my legs create, skip to the finish gate. It seem pain finished first and look despair is a close second. Will it’s quite a displeasure I think pass, this moment in my need to come to the past.
I think that the beauty of all our bad moments…time has the magic remedy of making them go away or at least for a moment letting us breath. When that moment comes, when were in a moment of painlessness that’s heaven….that’s how I know there’s a heaven.
Day 4: no
So I originally wasn’t going to put this picture on the internet, as it was a response to a text from a friend who asked “how are you feeling today?” Then, I realized that dammit, this is a chronic illness blog, and chronic illness isn’t pretty or fun and a lot of the time it is really fucking miserable.
I’m not sure exactly what I’m sick with, but my boyfriend has the same thing. He’s been a little nauseous and overall ill feeling, but is still going about his day just fine. I was up until 5am tossing, turning, puking, and generally wanting to die. My head feels like it’s going to explode, my body hurts, and I haven’t really been able to eat all day.
My boyfriend has eaten two small meals, gone to class, and is now doing schoolwork. We have the same bug. All the same symptoms, only way more severe for me. I’m happy he feels better than I do, but it’s just not fair.
My stomach has always been a piece of shit anyways. I was diagnosed with IBS when I was 16, but then things got better so I assumed it was my body readjusting from anorexia. Lately I’ve been wondering if they were right about the IBS though. I throw up way more than the average person (I’m not even going to get into the “other end” of things), and stomach bugs always hit me really hard. I’ve decided I don’t care what the cause is at this point. I’ve just sort of learned to deal. I’ve taken a lot of Pepto Bismol, Prilosec, and Tums in my lifetime.
On a funny and adorable note - my cat Samus has been hanging out with me in the bathroom, and giving me lots of snuggles and love, which did make me feel a bit better (until I thought about Kitty…). I was all for her curling up with me - and then Samus fell in the toilet. It was hilarious, but no more cat cuddles until she gets a bath, that’s for sure.
I hope that you all are feeling better than I am today!
xo - Kat
birthday birthday birthdaaaaaay
I took it really slow this morning (pretty damn sick still, sadly) and put on makeup for the first time in forever. Then D and I went to the aquarium :)
The day was definitely better than I anticipated; I was super spoiled with almost a dozen damn packages in the mail, I had a surprisingly pleasant visit with my dad, and then a low key night with free takeout pasta and loads of homework ;)
Thanks for all your sweet messages and all your presents; you lovelies are the bestest!
Q:Happy Birthday! Thank you for being such a wonderful resource and an even more wonderful person. The world is better for your presence. :)
awww shucks :) thank you so much!!
Q:So I heard it's your birthday! Happy Birthday, and I hope you have an absolutely amazing, low pain day. Wishing lots of good things and many spoons! :)
Thank you thank you!! You guys are all so sweet to me :) :)
These past few weeks have been filled with so much heartbreak, soul ache, life path searching and diving in to my own deep wells that it’s been hard to be present in the moment.
I’ve taken two trips now to the marina alone. Sitting there on the bench at the very edge where the road winds, I’ve been attempting to find my peace with what is and is not.
Why? It’s a vast question I’ve been asking myself and coming up short on any true answers.
Why do I love in such a deep rooted sense, why do I have such problems letting go?
Why does it make me feel like I am revolting inside to settling in to living simply and accepting my abilities for what they are?
Why am I still here? Why didn’t I die that day and since I survived it all, how come I feel the way I do now?
Why am I feeling like I lack purpose?
There are so many things I will not be getting full answers to for a long time. I am grateful for the moments I have had on this beautiful earth and I look forward to so many more.
I am trying my best to be accepting and present of my sadness, my fears, my joys, my hopes, my desires, my love and the fact that I need to be held and protected in so many ways (so very often).
Dejenme llorar because I just don’t give a fuck whose watching anymore.
This is a link to a REALLY great blog post on the language surrounding disability and why it matters. Why the correct term is, at the end of the day, disabled.
It’s not a negative word and by talking about it we can help remove the stigma.
still definitely NOT my best day, but we got the power back on at least, so there’s that
i’ve found that singing my symptoms makes everything better
my hips are burning
it hurts a lot
i kind of want to cry but i’m singing a song instead
Q:I hope you have a wonderful birthday because you are a WONDERFUL person. I am so glad I found your blog! Hope you have an awesome year until your next birthday~ <3 <3 <3
aw aw aww! thank yooooou